We often refer to grief as coming in waves. This is so very true. The overwhelming feelings often start off as huge waves that seem to crash over us with unrelenting frequency at first. Then they eventually die down coming less often and with less intensity but they can also show up at the most unexpected times. The smallest things can set it off; sights, sounds, smells, places that were shared; then there are the special occasions such as birthdays and anniversaries that can bring bigger waves hurtling down once again.
This is all normal and natural when we lose someone significant either through death or divorce or with other kinds of loss as well. It’s important to learn to ride these waves out by being fully present to our own experience with kindness and compassion.
Sometimes, however, there are underlying issues after a loss, incomplete emotional experiences that need to be expressed and resolved somehow. When we do not attend to these issues they become the undertow of life. We think everything is going along swimmingly (pardon the pun) then all of a sudden we find ourselves pulled under for no apparent reason. Sometimes we make up stories about why these things happen but more often than not the things that stop us in life are related in some way to the unresolved aspects surrounding our losses rather than what is happening in the moment.
Once these emotional incompletes have been attended we can finally once again plunge into life and enjoy the new adventures that await us.
If you find yourself caught up in some of life’s undertow give me call, I can help!
