When our dreams are dashed and our expectations blown to smithereens, how do we even begin to forgive?
When there is an ongoing component to a divorce (i.e. children, financial settlements, social interconnections) is it possible to let go of the anger and bitterness that often accompanies what seems like unfair treatment?

Some would argue that it is not; I would posit that it is impossible to start anew if we do not. The best we can do when there is no acceptance, no forgiveness is to perhaps have a brief period of respite but in the end we are doomed to recreate what we are still hanging on to. (I speak from experience on this one)
Is it fair? Probably not, but then forgiveness has nothing to do with fairness. Forgiveness is the process of being willing to accept what is and not being willing to continue to be hurt by what has happened so that we can be free. It has nothing to do with anyone or anything else. It is not about condoning or giving up. It is about making a commitment to oneself to find peace so that we can have a new experience. Is it easy when there is a lot of pain and the unfairness of the situation is constantly in our face? No! It sure isn’t.

The real question however is whether or not our peace of mind, our happiness, our ability to love and be loved are most important or if it’s our being right about how unfair the situation is or indeed how unfair life is.
Unfortunately, many have an unconscious need to be right above all things which supersedes any ability to heal and move on. When we become fully aware of and acknowledge this need to be right, which can only be achieved by our willingness to be totally honest with ourselves, we have a choice. Otherwise, we do not. And by the way, you probably are right about it being unfair, that doesn’t alter the facts or the need to release yourself from the burden of non-acceptance.

Emotional honesty is an essential component of healing. This can be very painful at times because on some level we know that we are not telling ourselves the truth and we have built a very elaborate system of defence around the shame and the pain of it all. The good news is that when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to admit it, we can bring a more compassionate and gentle response to our own pain and make different choices.

The choice is yours.
If you need help, I’m here.