There are some losses in life that don’t tend to be fully acknowledged as grieving experiences. Miscarriage, still birth, pet loss even job loss and retirement are often dismissed in terms of our need to grieve them. We call this disenfranchised grief because it would seem the right to grieve them has not been granted by our society or our families.
I don’t believe the disenfranchisement was done on purpose but rather it is due to lack of awareness and disconnection from the need we have to grieve all our losses.
We define grief as the conflicting feelings caused by the end of, or change in, a familiar pattern of behaviour. It also includes the loss of hopes, dreams and expectations related to these endings.
Sadly much of the disenfranchisement also comes from the common misconception that grief is a ‘negative’ feeling so we should avoid it all costs. Well good luck with that. In my experience avoiding the natural feelings of grief doesn’t actually make them go away, it sends them underground where they end up wreaking all kinds of havoc on our lives. This is where depression, discouragement, defeatism and disconnection are born.
Grief calls for compassionate attention no matter the circumstance of our loss. When we provide the kind of care our grief needs the feelings are integrated into our wholeness rather than creating holes in our lives.
In the end who we really need permission from to grieve is ourselves.
Let your grief show you the way to a kinder, more compassionate experience of life and you will find it also leads you to new levels of gratitude and happiness as well.
Namaste
