We tend to think of grief as a negative experience that we just want to ‘get over’ or even ‘get through’. That is an unfortunate perspective that can rob us of the learning and healing potential inherent in grief.
When we experience significant loss of any kind it often calls into question what we believe, what we thought we were about and even who we think we are. It is very uncomfortable most of the time which is why we see it as negative.
After a whole bunch of life experience, I have come to know intimately that grief is not the enemy, it is the messenger. When I learned to honour my grief instead of trying to distract myself I was finally able to experience the compassion I had so longed for and to see that it was ok to be sad, to be angry, to be afraid, to not know.
When resistance to what I am experiencing is released the flow of life and grace is also released so that I can begin to uncover those thoughts and feelings that are mostly responsible for my suffering. The old 20/80 rule applies here as much as it does anywhere. The loss may have caused 20% of my pain but what I believe, my thoughts about it, are what cause the other 80%.
Being willing to feel all the feelings with curiosity and compassion opens out a way for grief to teach me what I need to know about myself in order to be free to live fully. Grieving then becomes a healing journey because so much of the pain is actually due to very old ideas that were present long before the current loss. The grief provides a means to uncover those beliefs and see them in the light of day where I realize they no longer serve me and they are not the truth. I can and have indeed changed my mind and changed my experience of life and the journey continues with gratitude and with grace.
Namaste,
Yvonne
