I have some resistance to writing today for some reason. “Don’t have anything to say, blah, blah, blah”. Resistance shows up in so many creative ways it’s easy to be fooled into thinking it’s legitimate, “I have a good reason for not following through on my commitment to myself” … Well, as long as it’s a good reason right?
We are clever creatures and I have a healthy respect for the personality (ego). It has had free rein for so long I can’t fault it for pulling out it’s little bag of tricks to keep me in its thrall. It’s ok, I’m on to you though so here I am, clearly, talking about resistance.
That’s one topic I know a lot about, I’ve studied it in depth in myself and have certainly observed it in others as well. I realized a while back that I was in resistance to so much of life and really had no idea. It was just there, part of my well-honed defense system. I do believe its origins are grounded in wanting to keep me safe which is a benevolent, even honourable purpose. The trouble really become obvious when I decided I wanted to live a fuller life, to realize my Divine Potential. Then what was designed to keep me safe all of sudden became a prison keeping me from my heart’s call which I can hear and feel even through those jailhouse walls.
So what’s wrong with being safe? Nothing, except what the ego is trying to keep me safe from, more often than not, isn’t real! They are emotional monsters that I have imagined into being based on past hurts and disappointments and confusion. I didn’t know how to face them when they first appeared so I imbued them with all kinds of power and now I need to take that power back so that I can be free to do what I most love to do, whatever that may be.
These imaginary monsters must be met, not with hatred or fear but with understanding, love and compassion. That’s when we fully realize they have no real substance, they can only hurt us to the degree that we keep projecting and reliving our unresolved past. They don’t go away completely but they can morph into something more like beloved pets if we’re willing to do the work.
I have had a lot of help over the years in facing my monsters and I am deeply grateful to all my teachers (both positive and negative), companions, books and my own courage to take whatever steps needed to be taken at the time. I am also grateful for the constant pull of Spirit that won’t let me sit back and buy into all this resistance anymore. The blessings abound when we allow Grace to lead…
Namaste
