It was lovely to get started with our first class in the Art and Ministry of Spiritual Direction last night. Lots of lovely people!

We have some reflection assignments for each class, and I thought I’d just share my very first homework assignment with you today. It’s a bit on the long side but here it is anyway.

Alan Jones’ comments in the preface of Holy Listening struck a powerful cord in me. The awareness that spiritual direction is about the unfixables in life in a way frees me from the urge to fix, and the tendency I have of thinking I’m supposed to have ‘the answer’ when working with clients (well, all the time really). To me, honouring the unfixables of life means that it is my healing presence that is required, not my opinions or so called solutions. Being able to listen with the full awareness that I am not there to reply with my point of view makes it all the more likely I will be able to listen from the heart rather than from the head.

I particularly connected with the monk’s comment about non spiritual non direction. That also grounded me in the idea that this work is about everyday life, not some lofty ideals. It also reminds me that the client has their own ‘Director’ who is providing what the Soul is calling for. My job is to be as non judgmentally present as I can in the moment remembering who they really are and that they are whole and holy.

I am aware of the mind’s tendency to drift and go into judgment whoever which is why it is so important for me to be cognizant of when that begins to happen so that I can refocus and recommit to my true function in the interaction. Reminding myself of my purpose prior to and even during a session is another way I can let go of thinking and dedicate myself to listening from the Soul to the Soul.

Journaling questions:

Regarding what gets triggered in me when I consider my own losses, griefs, anger and disappointments in life.

In considering this question I would have to say there has been a marked change in the way I respond to these life events from the time prior to my training in grief recovery in 2014 and the time after. Having become aware that we grieve all kinds of changes and losses including intangibles such as disappointments, unmet dreams, hopes and expectations I am much more likely to meet whatever comes up for me with understanding and love now whereas I used to avoid, suppress and try to distract myself from these uncomfortable feelings. I am also aware that anger is often a distraction from the more vulnerable feelings of sadness and fear so when I get angry, I look for what’s really triggering it.

I still experience some guilt and shame as well at times when I don’t live up to my expectations of myself but I don’t dwell on them nor do I ignore them, that was cause for much sabotage in my life so I know that doesn’t work. I have learned to move toward these feelings instead of away from them. I feel them as fully as I can then I let go and surrender to Source. At times I may not be clear about what I’m really experiencing so I explore the thoughts and feelings around my discomfort in my daily journaling. I started writing three pages every morning three years ago after a workshop with Julia Cameron who wrote The Artist’s Way. I have not missed a day since; it is the greatest companion and space for exploration I have ever had. To be honest, I have received more insight in journaling than I have from any other practice including meditation and prayer which I have been practicing for some 30 years. That isn’t to say I have not benefitted greatly from both these practices and continue to do so, but I have to say when it comes to sorting out what’s really going on for me the journal is the place.

That brings me to the last point on examples of how Spirit has moved in me to go beyond stuck points. I have to say it has often been through the journaling. I have been quite distraught at times when I’ve sat down to write and when I open myself completely to let Spirit guide my hand and my thoughts there is always a response and I get unstuck.

I would have to say however that probably the most notable experience of Spirit’s movement to guide me past a very stuck place was in 1988, two years after I had put a company I had started and been managing for 8 years into receivership. I was only 33 at the time and was in total denial of the impact of this decision. I told myself I was young and I could start over, no big deal. Ha! While that may have been true it definitely was not helpful. I went into a major downward spiral and was barely functioning. I had moved to another city, I had a job but I sure can’t say I was working as I was engaged in all kinds of self-destructive behaviour. Spirit moved through a woman I did not know well but who had the courage to tell me flat out I looked like hell and I needed help. No truer words were ever spoken. I had no argument for that so I went to see her psychologist and started on the road to recovery. I got unstuck in that conversation and have been so very grateful ever since.

I know Spirit moves in many mysterious ways, so often through the most unlikely vehicles. God’s Grace has kept me from great harm more often than I can even begin to fathom, especially in those dark times where I certainly seemed to be bent on destroying myself. I was led to the right people at the right time to help me through and I am eternally grateful.

Namaste