I don’t find myself journaling a lot these days because there seems to be so much going on that I have no idea where to start or what to share. Since we’ve been back in session with the Spiritual Direction training, I feel as though all the learning and insights have been accelerated again. It’s a bit disorienting at times but it sure is amazing too.
Even as old programming arises there doesn’t seem to be any where near as much of a charge as there has been in the past. We work and we work at letting go, at surrendering, at changing our minds and we can go for fairly long periods feeling as though nothing much is really changing can’t we? Then one day you realize everything is changed, life looks and feels different somehow and you realize, wow, I’m a very different person than I was just a short while ago and I am still in the middle of whatever this transition or transformation is that’s taking place! It kind of sneaks up on you, doesn’t it?
In my journaling this morning I likened it to living from a new operating system where the old programs that ran just fine with the old operating system simply don’t work anymore. Very different experience from just updating the old programs which I have certainly done many times in my life. This is coming from a different sense of selfhood, the transitioning from false self (the roles adopted as though it were who I was) to True Self (living more from Soul).
I’m in something of a state of wonder about it all and I am also experiencing deep gratitude for everything that has brought me here, for where I am and for where this seems to be taking me which is a mystery. I’m ok with the mystery and I look forward with a sense of expectancy rather than expectation.
Namaste
