There are certainly times on this human/spiritual journey when we are rather overcome by the clarity that hits us when a shadow we’ve lived with all our lives becomes fully conscious. That clarity can be painful, especially at first but it is such an important part of the process.
I’m in one of those painful times right now where I am seeing something about myself I have long struggled with in others, pride and arrogance. When I see fully these aspects of personality that I have cleverly tucked away in the unconscious, I become aware of just how they have played out in all aspects of my life. It’s like a kaleidoscope of memories that surface where I see how the shadow affected my behaviour, my thoughts, my emotions, my relationships, my work, and it isn’t pretty. My heart is heavy with sadness and shame which tells me how true it is.
So for now, I am just telling myself the truth, not trying to hide or justify or rationalize but rather being gentle and kind to the best of my ability as this ‘life review’ unfolds. I have no intention of trying to talk myself out of these feelings, but I am continuing the letting go work, which I suspect is what has made this so visible, and I am allowing the Divine to hold me in the arms of love and kindness while I go through this.
I’m actually grateful it has come to the surface; I know it’s been here all my life in reaction to childhood experiences and it is time now come to terms with it. It’s all part of the journey, not special in any way, I know I’m not alone, it’s just hard to face and accept. I wasn’t going to say what that shadow was but I realized it would only be pride that was stopping me so there you have it.
Namaste
