Principle Four

In our rites of initiation either as a ritual or as life lessons, we come to another rather obvious one that isn’t as obvious as it seems: you aren’t in control.

We know that… or do we? Intellectually we get it of course but this desire to control is so insidious we don’t even realize we’re doing it. Perfect example for me was today over lunch, John and I were talking about how things had been at work, and we were telling some stories. Of course, after 22 years we’ve probably told each other these stories numerous times. So as John was getting into a familiar story, I cut him off. I was starting to feel uncomfortable and impatient and so I stopped him and shifted the focus. This is not the first time I’ve done that, but I am painfully aware of the tendency. I apologized to him afterward and even though he generally brushes these things off, they undoubtedly take their toll. They do for me when I’ve been cut off a few times.

This may seem to be an insignificant example of how we try to control our environment and the people in it, but it is indicative of how unconscious we can be about it and that it isn’t helpful or healthy for a relationship or for ourselves. I would have been better off just feeling the discomfort and refocusing on him and the fact that I love him. However, it is done and I am more aware for next time.

Trying to control that which is so out of our control is also an enormous waste of time and energy. So often our complaints about things that we have absolutely no control over, like the weather or what someone we don’t even know might be thinking or doing, occupy far too much of our precious time and energy as well as blocking our creativity causing us to miss the mark on those things we can control, like our own thoughts and actions. When we accept what is rather than trying to deny or control it, then we can focus our thoughts and energy on creative ways of dealing with it instead of just complaining. Seems pretty straight forward but it’s anything but our normal modus operandi.

Then I take this to the larger arena of our socio-political lives and it’s not hard to see how much we struggle with power and control issues like during this time of pandemic. When we feel out of control, we seem to all too often get aggressive and mean or, conversely, we give up and go for the nearest distraction. My friends, I have to say that there is much that feels like it is way out of control on our planet these days. I would guess that feeling, or the fear of it, is likely behind much of the turmoil, aggression and violence we see and hear about. Who wants to feel out of control and powerless?

Take a moment and let yourself feel into it in your own body around these issues. I need to do this regularly to acknowledge the feelings rather than acting out from them, like today. It is only then that I can turn to the one thing that really gives me peace and that is the same thing that helps me deal with all these realities, the True Self. When I let go of trying to control the uncontrollable and surrender to what is, there is an opening that is formed to allow the creative flow of the Divine to move through and guide me or just let me relax and be at peace with what is. There’s no one way the Divine responds to these feelings because each situation is unique but respond it does when I let go and ask for help or just open to another perspective instead of just staring at the ‘problem’.

There’s always another way; it has taken me a long time to really get that and allow it. I guess I needed all those experiences of trying to do it all myself and failing to really get it. Whatever it takes, I’m just grateful for waking up to the Divine Presence in all things. I may still stumble around but I can approach it like a butterfly, lightly. No matter how far down the road I’ve gone, when I notice it, I can always turn to the Divine in that moment.

Namaste