This morning’s journaling was exploring a kind of loneliness that comes up now and again. The tendency then is to want to reach out and connect with someone but on further contemplation, it seems to be more about going deeper into the existential loneliness that seems to be part of the human condition.
This isn’t to say that I should never connect with others but sometimes that is more of a distraction from what Soul is calling for rather than the answer, other times it’s about others. There really is no one answer is there? Anyway, I did spend some time connecting with the loneliness and find myself not feeling lonely anymore.
It’s seductive to look outside ourselves whenever there’s an inner/emotional need that arises. I spent a great deal of time in my earlier years looking for people to satisfy my neediness, not that I would ever have seen myself as needy mind you. The self-image of being independent and self-sufficient was not about to allow me to recognize what was really going on; there would be far too much shame in that. But emotionally and spiritually needy I was, and I have since had to face the shame of some of the ways I tried to get those needs met. All seems to be part of the shame of being human that I have recently identified. It isn’t easy to spot because of all the defenses and distractions built around it but, in the end, it all has to be faced and felt so it can be released and I can be free.
I have to admit I am grateful that these things don’t all come up at once. The process is actually very gentle as all is revealed in its own time. The trick is to be paying attention and being willing to go there. Then it doesn’t have to linger and sabotage what I’m doing to get my attention.
Namaste
ps another image from our daily walks
