A new day, a new intention and wouldn’t you know it, it wasn’t long before I disappointed myself by doing the very thing I did not want to do.
I set intentions with my prayer partners and they are very important to me. Today it was about practicing being a healing presence based on some of the reading I am doing for my course. It is a beautiful thing and something I aspire to but I got sidetracked and failed to follow through in an interaction I had today.
Interestingly enough, the book club chapter we discussed today was about the fine art of failing. I’m an expert at that for sure. But the point is that we all often fail to meet our own expectations and we tend to want to throw off the feelings that arise with that by blaming or distracting ourselves. The author was making the point that another way to deal with the feelings is to be with them, to just feel the raw vulnerability that our failures engender. This is not a new idea to me; I have been working on practicing it for a long time but often fail to do so (yet another failure).
So, as I was sitting there getting ready to start making supper I was being with the feelings that came up for me today. Then I because aware of the thought, how often to I forgive myself for doing the same old thing, again? That was followed by ‘seventy times seven’. Ah yes, Jesus’ response to his disciples who were asking him how often they should forgive their brothers. Well, if anyone needs forgiving over and over, as many times as it takes, it’s the self. I remembered in that moment that whenever I make a commitment to a higher idea, I become even more acutely aware of the ways I do not meet it. That doesn’t make me bad, it makes me human, and it is an awesome opportunity to practice self-forgiveness and self-compassion.
Life is full of opportunity, isn’t it?
Namaste
