I got a call the other day about a woman who had lost her husband a month ago and really needed to talk to someone other than family about what she was going through. She was in great pain and very lost.
This woman had called three different mental health offices trying to get help and every one of them told her they wouldn’t set up an appointment for her, it was too soon (!?#&!). She was told it was natural to grieve and one said ‘Take care of yourself’ and that was it.
I’m going to be honest here, I was really ticked off when I heard this. If someone has the wherewithal to actually reach out and ask for help, which is incredibly difficult for many, how can people, professionals no less, turn them away? If they couldn’t deal with it directly at the very least they could have referred her to someone. If they don’t know anyone directly then check with 211 which is an amazing resource that is all about helping people find the resources they need in times of emergency and crisis and pain.
As it turns out my friend referred this woman to me and she called me immediately and came to see me the next day. She was able to talk about what was going on and I was able to listen and offer some small nugget that helped her deal with her pain and she went home already experiencing much less pain and a lot more peace.
Grievers need to be heard and validated not fixed. They don’t need people’s opinions or platitudes.
I felt so blessed to be able to be there for this lovely soul.
There is something you can do when you’re in pain, don’t give up, there are some of us who are able and willing to hear you. And, if you are a mental health professional, please don’t turn grievers away without guiding them to help they can access immediately. Let’s all remember that we’re all human and we need each other and we can help, even if it’s only by listening without judgment or referring to someone who can.
Namaste
