What is fear really?
Simply put, fear is a state of being caught up in an idea that I am in danger. Sometimes it’s true, there is real danger like a car coming at us or someone is about to attack us with a knife or there’s a tornado heading straight at us. These are very real events that fear is designed to make us move away from toward safety. It’s all part of the survival mechanism that keeps us alive in these bodies.
The problem is that most of the fear we experience is not based on real danger but rather on projected assumptions into the present and the future based on past hurts.
An example of this would be if someone appeared to make fun of you or they shamed you for being different or for making a mistake as a child. Because we have no idea what to do with the hurt and/or it was most likely dismissed by the adults in our lives, we bury the pain and we assume there’s something wrong with us or that we will be singled out or shamed if we take a risk or make a mistake so, we are in danger. Then when something happens to us as adults that triggers the pain we buried, the assumption automatically pops up and we retreat into survival mode because our survival mechanism operates on automatic and it has been programmed to assume we are in danger whenever we are triggered.
This is what keeps us from enjoying so much in life such as satisfying relationships where it is safe to share our deepest thoughts and feelings or fulfilling workplaces where we can be real and feel safe to be creative.
Instead of using the old coping mechanisms to avoid what we fear, we need to learn to move toward our pain and question our fears so we can live out loud and truly enjoy relationships of all kinds.
You’re welcome to check out The Art of Self Soothing coming up in Edmonton for some great ideas on how to do that.
